Note to Self:

Note to self: Don’t rush into things without clearly outlining the pros and cons of each situation.

It seems as though I was just starting my “journey” and now I am ending it. I didn’t think this process out clearly. I rushed into things, maybe for the wrong reasons. I thought that this would be another opportunity to see the world, to learn and to create new friendships- it could have been.

There is no one reason for me leaving Finland. There are actually quite a few, and I can’t pinpoint one thing that made me want to leave, more of a combination of many.

Like I have said before I have traveled and been away from home for long periods of time. Those were different situations and circumstances. In the time I have been in Finland for this short-lived “Au Pair” experience, I have learned many things, but these are the two that stick out:

I have taken my family for granted and I am just acknowledging how much my family means to me. Being away from the people that you care about most, in hard times really can strengthen relationships and show you what matters most.

I chose to do this for the wrong reasons. Instead of looking at it as a “working matter”, I was eager to see the world and travel.

I wont be so candid on the net to give specific reason of why I have left. Some of my family members having health problems, my homesickness, the family speaking mainly Chinese and a child that was less than cooperative were all contributing factors, in addition to some others. I had my happiest moments while cleaning and the highlight of each day was my morning oatmeal where I felt some peace of mind, clearly  this wasn’t for me.

I went into this with an open mind and I am leaving with an open mind. I don’t want people to think I am a quitter and I went back and forth in my head for a few days thinking if I was doing the right thing by leaving. I know for me it is the right decision because my mind was not fully in it. I feel for the family because they are now stuck in a rough spot, but I think I should have been given more information on their situation as well.

Ultimately I feel that this was a learning experience, an expensive one at that. Do I regret my decision to Au Pair? No, not at all.  Does this change my view on living abroad? Definitely not. Will I keep on keepin’ on? For sure, and I plan to do much more traveling in the future, I will just be a little more wise when it comes to the opportunities I choose to move forward with.

I’d like to end by saying this was an amazing opportunity, not many people get the  opportunity to travel the world-ever. I don’t want anyone to think I have taken this opportunity for granted. For both parties I whole heartedly feel this was the correct move, even though it was my decision to part ways. In a sense I am upset with myself for not pushing through, but at the same time I did not want to be miserable and depressed for another 2 months.

As far as Helsinki is concerned, I will miss the beautiful surroundings, fresh air, the public transportation and the few people that were actually friendly.


One response to “Note to Self:

  1. Jamie,
    You certainly are not a quitter. This trip was not a loss either, what a great learning experience ! You can be sure that with each experience we learn more about ourselves and our future paths. You are better able to make future job and travel decisions, know better different questions to ask in coming oppurtunities, and someday you will get to laugh about these lessons with a ” been there done that” attitude ! I give you alot of credit for realizing that the situation was not one that you felt was working for you, and you were honest and made the right decision. Kuddos to you, I am sure it was not easy.

    I am sure everyone at home will be waiting proudly with open arms ! Safe travwls home Jamie

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